The decision to have children naturally, or to adopt, or foster, is one that I have been exploring, obsessing, having daydreams, and nightmares about. Although I have had major anxiety, resisted, and often felt relieved to be “single” meaning without kids, I knew early on that I would have children.
(My husband Marcos as a baby)
When I was lonely and 22 and living in my first apartment alone I read an article in Real Simple magazine about a single 39 year old woman who decided to have a baby and go it alone. She wanted all the things she had grown up with and she wanted a home filled with life. Her words spoke to my 22 year old heart and I treasured her imagery of making pancakes for kids while listening to NPR and hearing a heart beat pressed up against her chest. I knew then that I too wanted to tuck in tired kids, comb hair, read stories, become okay with messes, and run the dishwasher as my kids fell asleep.
When I am focused on something I research it. It takes me ages to buy furniture or clothing so this topic, on having children, and why, and how, has been a fascination of mine for years.
One way I have researched this topic is through podcasts. For the past two years I have listened religiously to the Hilary Franks podcast The Longest Shortest Time. The show was orginallly about early parenthood. I loved hearing the brutally, honest, funny, and heart-wrenching stories of parenthood as told through the stories of a teen couple, a gay couple, a biracial couple family, and women and men as they work through the mundane, exciting, life changing, depressing, and fulfilling journey that is parenting.
Episode 64:Should I Have Kids? resonated with me. The show producer explains how she had an epiphany about having kids while riding on the subway. She mentions in the episode that she just knew her family will just be there one day and that she is not particularly in a rush because she has this peace about it happening in whatever way it is supposed to. It made me think about the genuine oh yeah moment I had, long ago, when I was 22, on having kids.
Did you have an ah-ha moment where you just knew you wanted to have kids?
(All images I took of my friends and their babies. Also the first and last images are of Marcos as a baby! Melts my heart)